Me? Cancer.....you gotta be kidding...who has time for that???

2 Years ago today......

2011-09-15T14:21:00.002-04:00

2 (TWO!!) year have passed since my last injection of chemo poison and external radiation. And to be honest it has taken these last two years to get back to feeling normal. As normal as possible. I still have lingering reminders but it really could be so much worse. What is the saying?? Five years clear from the date of diagnosis and you can be considered cured?? 2 1/2 more years to go??......piece of cake!!!

8-11-2009

2010-08-06T17:50:00.004-04:00

That was the day of my very first treatment. Today is 8-6-2010.

360 days later.......

All my treatments are done. Had surgery 4 weeks ago to remove the lump that started this whole thing. At the time they thought it was a fibroid and not nearly as serious as cancer so they just saved it for last. I met with the doctor who did the surgery today to do a follow up on the cut across my bikini line and fill me in on what they did or didn't see. What they did see was endometriosis and the mass was not a fibroid..it was an endometrioma. A BIG one...approx 10cm. He said it didn't want to come out and took some serious poking and prodding. That explains why it feels like someone has been boxing inside my stomach. He also confirmed that the pathology report came back as all clear. He released me to go back to work on Monday and he said the he thought

wait a sec....

*all clear*

I cant process that......

How can that be??? A year ago I wrestled with the fact that I was going to die. Maybe not right away but that cancer was going to kill me. Inside my head I visited all the places I wanted to go but hadn't been to yet. I visualized all the faces of friends and family I hadn't seen in a long time because I didn't know if Id be able to see them again before "it" happened. I came to terms with the fact that there were things in my life that I had planned and hoped for that I would never see completed.

I am breathing a sigh of relief.....for now. Cancer is a very tricky thing. Today I appear to be cancer free but you can never be sure what your future holds. I am extremely thankful to all of the doctors and nurses who spent their time to treat me and educate me, to my friends and family who solicited prayers from all corners of the world and who were at my side pushing me to fight.

I still cant fully process all of this and the ultimate pessimist in me is really battling with my brain....what I do know is that today I feel more alive then I have for the past year and I have a smile that could burn a hole thru the sun.

Thank you for spending your time with me.....

Thank you......

2010-02-20T13:34:00.002-05:00

Im touched by the kind words.....I really am.

Its been a tough week with this damn broken ankle. My freedom has been taken away and it was replaced with a dark cloud. Im lucky that I dont need surgery or Id really be going crazy. I just want this cast off and I want to be able to walk without crutches...to be able to carry things....to be able to go to the grocery store...to be able to go into any store for that matter. I missed a birthday of someone very important because my mind is so screwed up. I go to work. I go through the motions and I go home. Cancer never had this effect on me. I always knew in my heart that Id make it no matter what. I just cant wrap my head around this silly cast. I know it sounds crazy.....I cant even explain it without people looking at me like I have 7 heads. Its not that big of a deal...it should be easy for me to deal with. Its coming off in a few weeks...its not forever. Why cant I get that through my head.....why cant I stop whining and complaining about......WHY??????

I did end up in the ER Wed night....for 8 hours!!! I dont even feel like explaining it right now but I will...its a really funny story when i tell it now....at the time I was not a happy girl. I went because they suspected a blood clot in my leg.....8 hours later I didnt have one. end of story for now. Its a simple broken leg and its consumed me.....

2010-02-15T20:12:00.002-05:00

Over the course of the past week or two I have come across stories of Cancer....some of strangers....but most of them have familiar faces or names. None of the stories have happy endings.........or easy treatment plans. They are losing thier battles...and thier hair....and thier will.......and I...am OK.

I am struggling with a guilt that I cant explain or put into words. It makes me cry sitting at stop lights...or reading emails. It makes me daydream about all of the what ifs.....

I feel so incredibly guilty and I don't know how to make it stop.....

Broken me update

2010-02-09T09:43:00.002-05:00

Yea...its still broken. I had hoped to wake up and whala (sp?) it would be all healed and we would all laugh about how funny I looked on crutches trying to do all of my everyday tasks....hahahah!! Yea, well that didn't happen.

What did happen is I saw the doctor and no surgery is required. Thank God! I was dreading that and was very happy that he called it a "perfect break"...who knew there was sucha thing. Funny story...while I was waiting for my doctor, who is a really nice guy but not too soft on the eyes, I noticed there was a really HOT doctor running around. He was, of course, young enough to be my son but there is no law against looking right?? I was thinking to myself that I never really get any of the hot doctors and wondered if there was some cosmic reason for this when all of a sudden he came out and called for me.....FOR ME!!!! OMG.....he wants to see ME!! He was the assistant (resident) of my doctor and he would be attending to me. Holy cow...its my unlucky (broken ankle) lucky (hot doc) day!! He was very nice....and very young. I felt really odd actually even thinking how cute he was. He did an awesome recast on my leg....it really feels 100% better now. So I came up with a plan...I went back to work and suggested to one of my much younger single co-workers that she break her leg...or arm. I told her I knew a great doc for her to see and she really should consider doing it soon.....was that wrong of me??? I'm just trying to help her out....stop looking at me like that!

sometimes you just have to laugh......

2010-02-02T13:59:00.002-05:00

And for my next trick I think I will.........

BREAK MY ANKLE!!!

Id love to tell you it was during a bar fight or skydiving....or something badass.

Instead I blame it not on "badass" but "fatass"... The boy and I were walking along a trail in the woods...enjoying the fresh air and the animal tracks. It was chilly and there was less then an inch of snow on the ground....a path that I have walked hundreds of times. All of a sudden I heard a crack....and I FELT a crack. The boy turned around and said "What was that pop?" As I was hitting the ground I think I mumbled something about a broken ankle....he said he had heard the noise and was I sure. How can you be sure when pain is flooding your body??? A pain like I have never felt before....he took of running....so fast I was worried he would hurt himself as well. Within minutes he is driving his truck down a trail no wider the 4-5 feet. The truck was ripping over bushes and small trees...he was a man on a mission. He scooped me up and off we went. The ER was extremely fast...in and out in less then an hour!!

So here I sit with a black colored cast (as badass I can get in a cast!!) and a broken ankle.....go me!!

Pet/ct results.....

2010-01-13T10:34:00.002-05:00

Had a Pet/ct scan last week...on Thursday. This really creepy guy gives the test too by the way. He reminds me of Dexter....but not the good side of Dexter....the methodical serial killer side. He was really quiet and moved really slow. Talked in a monotone voice and kept calling me patient Stasiak. He said EXACTLY the same things in the same order as the visit I had with him back in July.

My next doctor visit isn't until Jan 22 and the thought of waiting that long to hear the news was driving me crazy. Of course I popped the disc they gave me into my laptop so that I could pretend I'm a doctor and diagnose myself. I had seen the original scan so OF COURSE I knew what I was looking at and ....OMG....its still there....its in the other lymph node and it looks like its on a lung OMG OMG!!! I got myself all worked up...because I am of course an expert at reading these things and I just needed the doctor to confirm the awful truth....chemo again and maybe this time I will lose some weight and oh crap I have to take steroids again and ohhh please don't make me so tired again....and ....and and.....*sigh*

Well I finally worked up the nerve to call the doctor this morning and try to make an earlier appt. I cant keep feeling this way without him giving me a plan of action. The nurse said she already knew the results and would be happy to share them with me over the phone....for me to hold on while she got the papers because she didn't want to make a mistake and tell me wrong info....of course she doesn't....you don't want to tell someone they are fine when they arnt right??? She came back on the phone and started reading it off....uptake this and signs that blah blah blah it all ran together...until....UNTIL I clearly heard her say "This is the best part...the doctor was so excited yesterday.....it shows MINIMAL TO NO UPTAKE and significant decrease in mass on last scan". Huh? what?!?!? OK...so maybe I'm not a very good doctor....and I don't really know what I was looking at on the scan disc. The nurse told me its very good news and the doctor was very happy with the results. So am I. How does this happen?? How do I go from the worst news in my life......facing the facts that I could die...to this? I feel guilty because I didn't have all the nasty side effects that most people get. I didn't lose my hair. I didn't get so skinny that I looked worse then I felt. I didn't miss a day of work. I didn't struggle with my insurance or my job. I did feel bad....really bad and sometimes I don't think people realized just HOW BAD because all the outward signs of Cancer treatment weren't there and that was frustrating at times. Someone close to me told me I was too ornery to die.....and I think she just might be right!!!

Today I feel like the most lucky girl on earth!!!

Thanks for taking this ride with me....I couldn't have done it without you!

Christmas and the new year coming up.....

2009-12-22T18:49:00.002-05:00

Its been a while since I made a post. part of the reason is blogger WAS blocked at work and I spend most of my waking hours here. The other reasons fall into nice neat little packages....busy doing fun stuff, vacation in Florida, Christmas shopping and Thanksgiving cooking, too much time spent on Facebook etc.

Updates on the health.....the doctors seem to think they may have kicked Cancer in the ass. Visual inspections show no signs but it had planted itself pretty deep in some places so a pet/ct is needed to be sure. Funny thing about pet/ct scans....insurance companies (at least the new one my company changed to on DEC 1st....UHG!!) don't like to pay for them. My old insurance never gave me a hassle about anything.....ANYTHING I went through for this Cancer program. The new insurance has told my Doctor they don't feel its medically necessary....HUH??? How could that even be said out loud??? So its not necessary to know if they got all of the Cancer...or its not medically necessary to know if it has migrated to other organs....WHAT???? The doctors office, today, requested copies of the needle biopsy and some other stuff to send to the insurance company to convince them that HELLO SHE HAS CANCER! I just hope this isn't a sign of whats to come...and if they are this difficult all I can say is I hope the worst of my treatments are over so I don't have to worry about whats going to be covered and whats not.

Not a whole lot to report otherwise. Had a lovely vacation in Orlando Florida for my birthday....spent it with Mickey and friends!! Christmas cant come and leave fast enough and I am so ready to start the new year (decade!!!!) with a diet (HOLY COW HOW DID I GET SO FAT???!!!??) going to the gym again (HELLO CUTE BOYS!!!) working hard and playing harder. Will be taking the motorcycle course in the spring so that I will be able to ride by the time its warm.....did I mention I bought a Harley??? Oh...I bought a Harley Davidson...2003 Anniversary Edition Fatboy. Its so pretty!!!

Thats it...thats my update for now. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a safe and healthy new year.....thank you all for being there for me and loving me through something I never imagined in my life. I know its the love and prayers you offered up that guided me through the hardest parts. Not only am I stronger then I ever imagined but you all are more wonderful then I had ever realized. Thank you for everything and Cheers to the future!!!!

Well......

2009-11-13T19:44:00.002-05:00

I do believe that I got good news today at the Doctor's office.......

I was....and still am...more confused now then when I walked in there. Its not because I didnt ask enough questions...or because he didnt give me enough information.

I think its Cancers fault.....

When I can figure everything out I will post it. What I can tell you....something that I am 100% sure about is that my body has responded in amazing ways to the treatment I have had. The Doctor today was very impressed......

More later!!!

Life has been good......

2009-11-12T21:02:00.002-05:00

These days I have been feeling better and getting some of my energy back. I have continued my work load and started to pick some of my extra activities back up. Started back to the gym thyis week!! Boy did (do) my joints ache. Im sure its from lack of movement the past few months along with the chemo attack on my body. Of course every ache and pain represents some new form of cancer in my brain. Ive heard thats something common and will continue until some doctor gives me the offical "all clear"......I did have my Mamogram 2 weeks ago and the results came back in 2 days ago....its funny how the results most people get (meaning negative) can be such a relief. In my case the negative took on more meaning. They had also scanned my lymphnodes since it is part of the procedure. The lymphnodes came back negative and thats HUGE in my case. That can mean that my cancer has not spread any further then the lymphnodes in my groin (they killed them!!) and also means that the chance that it has attached itself to lungs or liver or ...or....or......is mighty slim. So needless to say I had a good cry and saved the letter!! I meet with the gyno-oncologist tomorrow. He is the guy who does the surgery...and also the guy who told me my case was far to advanced to operate. He made me laugh that day....he said he is a surgeon because he likes to cut things open and poke around....that is something that makes him quite happy so not being able to do it is a disappointment and that he was very disappointed he wouldnt be able to open me up. I just thought it was a pretty down to earth answer.....he wants to take another look now. He thinks maybe ...just maybe if my body reacted like they think it has that he can finally have a go at it......so we shall see! Fingers, toes and eyes are crossed!!

I hope everyone is having a great day and loving thier lives as much as I am. I am so greatful for everything!!

Jamie

Im here......

2009-10-28T21:12:00.002-04:00

Im here....Im ok....I just needed a break from everything. I feel really good and have been getting my life back on track. Thank you for all the emails and phone calls. I will set up a post tomorrow with the doctors appts and schedule for the remaining year. Its pretty uneventful....thank god!!

Thanks for everything and I will talk to you all tomorrow...good night!!

Jamie

One of my very favorite website......check it out...and BUY the books!!!

2009-10-11T21:55:00.000-04:00

Im gonna be brief....

2009-10-11T21:13:00.003-04:00

Because I'm exhausted and achy and cranky and and and......

Well my two 3 days trips for internal radiation turned into Wed thru Sunday instead. What should have taken about an hour.....to place the tubes and get me prepped took almost 4. I have a VERY tilted uterus.....more tilted then any of the docs had ever seen and it was making it very hard to place the right side tube in the correct position. From what my Doc said they almost gave up all together but decided to step back for 15-20 min and brain storm. They figured out a way but knew they only had one shot and that they prob couldn't re-create it on Monday so they decided once they saw the scans and how perfectly the tubes were placed to just do both treatments back to back. After it was over my Doc said she had performed approx 1500 of these internal radiation treatments and only a handful had ever been back to back. It takes a certain case and a certain person and I fell into that bracket. Around day 3 of laying flat on my back trying to drink water sideways out of my mouth through a straw and being woken up every FREAKIN hour to check blood pressure and temp I was a mad woman. No seriously I was a crazy woman.....my back was killing me, I was having hot flashes, all I had eaten in 3 days was 1 banana and 1/2 a PP "n" J,,,they kept loading me up on IV fluids and I was convinced my catheter was leaking....it wasnt....everytime I made them check it....sorry!!! Then to have someone tell me I cant sit up, cant get up, cant roll over and only pick foood you feel comfortable eating laying down oh and here is a bucket if you feel ike you are gonna throw up......now tell me...think about it.....how would YOU throw up laying flat on your back??? Go ahead try it right now...Ill wait....now seriously go ahead.....ohhh you cant figure it out??? Yea me either!!!!..........grrrrrrrrr..............thank God for Bananas! Im bruised from head to toe with blood draws and IV lines....but gosh darn it Im alive and feeling MUCH better now that Im home. Body still hurts cause its just not sure what all this moving around is for...ha!

Im heading to bed.....just wanted to update ya'll. I will post Doctor comments and where we go from here tomorrow.....

Love ya.....thank you for all the prayers!!!!

Jump start.....

2009-10-04T21:12:00.002-04:00

It seems that the 2 units of blood I got jump started my system enough that I have been livin' large this week!! I worked my usual work schedule with month end closing (UHG!!), stayed up later then 8pm...every night! Helped hang some tree stands, went to a wedding reception, had a late dinner with some friends, went to Mastoris for breakfast and walked the Cranberry Festival and still have a little energy left...not much tho!! Tonight I'm feeling a little tired but looking back on my week I'm pretty sure its normal! Just trying to finish up some laundry then I'm heading to bed.

Update on the internal radiation....I go in Wednesday Oct 7th for the first procedure and will be there until Friday night. Second treatment will be the following Monday and I will be home Wednesday night. I get to come home for the weekend and then its right back to the hospital. I think I like it better that way. I get both out of the way in a week. I figure if its really that bad I don't have so much time in between to dread going back.....

All of the Drs and Nurses at the Cancer Center have been so good to me. Ive been trying to think of something nice to do for them. I'm sure they get tons of food and probably flowers....I'm just going to have to keep looking around. Any suggestions??

Please keep in mind that starting Wednesday until at least the following Thursday I wont be posting. Im not going to take my laptop to the hospital so if you dont hear from me dont worry...please. I will post something as soon as Im able to sit at the computer. Thank you for being so concerned about me.....makes me smile!!

Love you guys!!

Oh what a difference a day makes....

2009-09-29T23:05:00.002-04:00

And 2 units of red blood!!!

Feeling muuuuuuuuuuuuch better. Will post more in the morning. This is the latest (11pm!!!) I have been up in 4 weeks and I gotta get to bed.....long day at work tomorrow!

Love ya!

Blood work.....

2009-09-27T13:39:00.002-04:00

At 9am today my blood work was .......

White cell count 0.6 (yes that's ZERO POINT 6)
Red cell count 2
platelets 66

For those who know the numbers I don't need to explain....for those who don't...there will be no internal radiation tomorrow or the next day or the next day. It may not be until Oct 7th for the first one. Its all going to depend on my body....and its not cooperating.

All I can tell you is a flight of stairs feels like I ran a mile......and Im off to go to sleep. I will write more later...for now Im exhausted.

Love you!

I take it all back.......

2009-09-26T06:28:00.003-04:00

Blood counts have really dropped (red and white are both hovering around 2-3 I believe) and I will be getting meds today and tomorrow in hopes of bringing them to a level that I can still have the internal radiation on Monday.....so far it looks like its gonna happen but only if my body agrees. I'm heading 45 min north of me at 8am for the first shots and then again tomorrow at 8am......I'm really pissed off at my body and at cancer and the fact that I have to go so far for the shots...and...and and......cancer can kiss my ass! (sorry Dad but I had to say it!)

I will be back and at work by 10am......I will be checking emails if you have questions I will try to respond asap.

Thanks...love you guys!

What a difference a week can make!!

2009-09-25T08:34:00.003-04:00

Hey there Hi there Ho there!! Its been almost a week since the last post (can we say SLACKER!!) I was always taught that if you didn't have anything nice to say then its best to say nothing at all. I was grouchy, cranky and not feeling well so that explains the silence (I hope!)

I'm doing much better....still feeling tired...but then again I'm back to a full work week (50 hrs) and walking the in the mornings and cooking and cleaning so I suppose being tired should be expected. Ive been hitting the pillow somewhere around 8:30pm and waking up at 5:30ish. I usually cant fall back asleep so that's the new witching hour for me. I make some toast, read the news and then head out for a walk.

Ive noticed that I'm bruising easily so the clumsy girl I am is trying to be more careful. I still cant take the smell of coffee and the taste of Diet Coke......the 2 mainstays of my life pre-cancer. Everything else is good tho. I have been getting back into the kitchen...doing some baking and making The Boy good dinners.

I have an appt today with the Chemo Oncologist...just to go over blood work and follow up on how I'm doing....nothing serious. The hospital will be calling me tonight sometime between 4pm and 7pm to let me know what time to be there Monday morning. One of the nurses told me it looks like I'm set for the OR at 7:30 so its gonna be an EARLY morning I'm guessing. I'm OK with that....the earlier they get started the earlier I'm out on Wednesday. The rods have to be in place for 50 hrs so the length of my stay depends on when the clock starts ticking. Id be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Ive never been to the OR before or put completely out. I have faith in everyone doing the job and I have to say that the Doctors and Hospital have been very thorough, I have gotten probably 7 calls from various departments and nurses confirming info and giving me directions.

I need to get ready for work....thanks for hanging around with me on this blog.....journeys are always better when you can share the sights!!

Love you!!

Still.....

2009-09-19T20:26:00.002-04:00

Still not feeling up to par. I suppose 6 weeks accumulation of Chemo and radiation are finally catching up with me. I am just grateful I didn't feel this way the whole time. I am extremely tired and all I wanna do is sleep. It will take a few weeks to bounce back but I know it will be fine eventually.

The procedures are still on for Sept 28th and oct 7th. They told me that even after the hospital stay that the radiation will continue to kill cells so I wont have to see any Drs for 60-90 days!! Yea!! That means I can go through the holidays without having to make trips everywhere. I hope that I finally have some energy back by then too. I just hate not being able to do all the things I wanna do. The walk in the morning feels good but it wears me out by 5pm.

The Dr I met with on Thursday seems pretty good...and I trust him. He is an Assisant Professor for the hospital and he will be having students watching......if I can help at least one other person by letting them be there then the whole freakin school can come....ha!

Heading to bed.......love you guys and I cant thank you enough for everything!!

Seasick....

2009-09-17T06:09:00.002-04:00

I have been fighting the nausea for a few days now and I'm not sure if its due to the Chemo or my nerves on this next procedure. Since its 6am (been up sine 5) I'm going to assume its a little of both. I'm so NOT a morning person.

I'm heading to the physical today for pre-op. I hear its chest x-rays, EKG and other stuff....oh joy. I dont feel like going but I know I have to. I'm keeping my eye on the prize I promise. I have gotten over the pity party I was having a few days ago and have gone back to treatment mode. The Boy has helped a great deal with that. He is my strength when I cant muster any of my own.

Speaking of the Boy...he informed me last night that since it is deer season and Ive been shooting my bow pretty well that we will be having a deer hunt after the Drs appts today and I WILL be taking my first deer. He seems pretty confident so I'm gonna just go with the flow and hope he is right. Will keep you posted!!

I'm off to eat some Banana Nut Cheerios (new obsession!!) and get ready for the appts.....

Love you guys and thanks for the prayers~~

The end....for now!

2009-09-15T17:18:00.002-04:00

Today was the 6th and final Chemo treatment and the 30th and last radiation treatment and I am so glad.

*It took me 5 tries to write that last sentence due to my chemo fog and sluggishness.*
(3 for this one)

With that said I'm going to head back to bed for a little while. The nausea is hitting kind of hard but I will make it through tonight and be fine tomorrow I'm sure.

The hospital called to do pre-admission for my procedure and all she had me in for was Oct 7th so I'm not sure if they have re-scheduled the Sept 28th one or cancelled it all together. Will let you know as soon as I know.

More posting later or tomorrow. Thank you for all of the prayers......they are working!!!
Love ya!

2009-09-11T20:55:00.002-04:00

I wish....

I could sleep through the night
I didnt always feel like I had motion sickness
I had normal body functions
I didnt get hot flashes
I wasnt so tired all the time
I didnt feel like a "target" at work
I could drink coffee again
I wasnt so moody and mean to the people I love

I wish I had the life I had 5 months ago back...........

I know that I have to move forward.....but I feel like I have to mourn the life I used to have because I dont know that it will ever be the same again......maybe Im just having a bad day. It was bound to happen....I will be fine in the morning so please dont worry!

Love you bunches and thanks for the support....its what keeps me going....even on bad days!!! :)

Sorry!!

2009-09-10T20:55:00.002-04:00

I am sorry for all the worried emails and text's and phone calls. Internet has been down since last night so I wasnt able to post anything in regards to the update from my Doctors visit on Wednesday. I am actually super suuuuuuuper tired so Im gonna be brief.

I am scheduled for 2 LDR internal radiation treatments. (Sept 28th and Oct 7th). Each requires a 3 day stay in the hospital in isolation. The details of the procedure are not pretty and I think the Dr I saw today referred to it as slightly barbaric (YIKES) Id prefer not to spill the details on this blog unless someone out there REALLY wants to know all the nitty gritty and if so I will be happy to email you the info.....I just think there might be some people who wouldn't be comfortable with the graphics of the procedure if you get my drift.

They all seem to think that this is the best way to treat me at this point and the fact that I am young and continue to be active is whats allowing them to even CONSIDER surgery after these treatments. I'm told surgery is def. NOT the standard in a case such as mine and would be cutting edge. Whooohoooo for cutting edge!!

On a side note...I got my hair cut today. I got it cut 6 weeks ago and had anticipated being bald by now.....nope...had to cut an inch off. For now......You just never know and I do still have one more Chemo treatment to go. Any thing is possible. Today the boy and I ran a bunch of errands, went out to lunch, saw a doctor, had radiation, got my hair cut, grocery shopping, checked the game cameras and made dinner for the family. All in all Id say I'm doing pretty damn good!!

Love you guys!!!

Todays Stats

2009-09-08T21:43:00.002-04:00

Round One (still!)

Chemo 5
Radiation 20
Hair Loss ZERO (?!?!?!?!)
Gained 1 lb (damn it damn it damn it...steroids UHG!!)
Missed work Zero
Prayers 1,500,000

You guys rock by the way!! All the emails and cards and phone calls, text messages (Hi Sherry!!) and prayers.....It makes this whole mess a little softer and I appreciate it so much!! Got a card from my Uncle in Ohio....he knows all too well about this fight as he helped my Aunt Barb through her brave journey with Breast Cancer. He is an amazing man and if I can draw just half of his strength I'm way ahead of the curve!! *waves* Hi Uncle Myron!!

I meet with the Radiation Oncologist who does the Internal Radiation tomorrow @ 8am...that means I leave the house at 6:30am to try to beat the turnpike traffic. Anyone who knows me KNOWS I am not a morning person.....I will try not to hurt anyone on the process of getting up and driving there so early....no promises tho. I plan on working after I'm done with her so I wont be able to post any news until tomorrow night. My job has blocked selected websites like Blogger and anything shopping related!!!!!! I have found a few "backdoors" to help with the obsession. I will have to wait until 9:30 ish tomorrow night to update you on what she says.

Thanks again for all of the stuff and I love you guys!!!

Rough patch........

2009-09-06T18:34:00.002-04:00

Hitting a bit of a rough patch.......nothing serious. Just not feeling quite up to snuff. Have an appt Wed with the Internal Radiation Oncologist and we will know then if its one or two more Chemo treatments. I'm hoping one......I just want to feel normal again. I feel like Ive been on a cruise in rough seas for days.....without the umbrella drinks and hot Hector serving me dinner....damn it!!

Will try to post more later....heading back to bed.

Love you guys!!

Houston.....we have shrinkage!!!

2009-09-03T13:02:00.002-04:00

Quick post before I head out to chip wood and man the tractor.....Saw the Drs today and we have tumor shrinkage. Now its not "HOLY CRAP WHERE DID THE TUMOR GO??" but its shrinkage none the less.....its responding...the little bastard is dying. Looks like 2 more weeks of chemo and radiation and I have an appt set up to see the internal radiation doctor as well. All the prayers and positive thoughts are working!!!

On a side note my Chemo Dr commented on my "wig"....ha!! I told her its my real hair....she had to look in my file and make sure I was on Cisplatin.....she is shocked!! Im just not one to go with the flow....Ive been trying to tell them that all along!!!

Have a wonderful day and know that I love you guys sooooo much!! I cant wipe this silly smile off......I am going to WIN!!

Chemo treatment 4 Radiation treatment 16 !!!

2009-09-01T19:55:00.003-04:00

Those are my stats as of today

Round one
Chemo 4
Radiation 16
Hair loss 0
weight loss 3lbs
Events missed 0
Work missed 0
Prayers said 1,000,000 (thanks to all of you!!)

I'm starting to slow down a little but its nothing serious. Just taking a little more time to find the hitch to my giddy up! Still able to eat everything that isn't nailed down (of course!) and keep up with my work and chores. I'm thankful to be able to keep my mind occupied. I have a lot of help if I need it so that's always a good thing. I meet with the Drs on Thursday and I will find out if I have 1 or 2 more treatments of chemo. I'm hoping for 1...that would be awesome. I have been to a Dr almost every day now for 4 weeks. I could use the break from the cycle of the clinic.

The good news to report for today is blood work is still very good. Starting to show signs of treatment....cell counts were a little lower but nothing serious AT ALL. And the other good news is the IV went in the FIRST time.....yipeeeeeeeeeee!!!! They say I have skinny veins.....of course it had to be veins and not my butt. I suppose its a trade off. If anyone cares Id prefer the fat veins and the skinny ass thank you very much!!

Going to head off to do some laundry...I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and know that I think about you all often. All of you keep me going and your thoughts a prayers are felt!!

Love you!

Rough patch.......

2009-08-30T10:33:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the lack of updates! The last couple of days have been a little rough. Not nearly as bad as they could be I'm sure but just have not felt too well. I have been trying to figure out how to explain it to everyone who asks and the best description I can come up with is motion sickness. If you have ever been car sick...or been on a rough cruise you know what I'm talking about. I'm not sick to my stomach like I would be if I had the flu.....its just like motion sickness. ICK! I have not missed work yet and I was able to attend my friend Leslie's bridal shower on Saturday (YEAAA LESLIE Im sooooooooo happy for you...you are amazing!!). I was worried I wouldn't be able to stay for the whole thing but I made it just fine! It was a nice distraction.

I met with my Radiologist Oncologist on Thursday and he actually brought up surgery!! Yea! From the beginning it was ruled out completely by my Gynocologist Oncologist (hes the surgeon as well). Dr McKenna thinks that if we shrink this enough....as long as its responding.....maybe we can re-visit surgery as an option. They will be having a conference call (all my Dr's) this coming week to discuss the next plan of action so I should know more in a few days. He told me a story of a girl he treated....and he made it clear that EVERYONE is different.....she was not a candidate for surgery either but they were able to shrink the tumor enough to perform surgery and she is cancer free. She didnt have lymph nodes involved like I do so it is a little different but I think he was just trying to tell me that anything is possible. I really like my Dr's and I am confident that they will do whats right for me.

Im going to try to get some laundry done today and make a nice dinner for the boy. He got up bright and early this morning before I woke and baked some potatoes to make me potato panckaes for breakfast...he said he thought they would be easy on my stomach and the eggs would be good protein. They were so good!!! I figure I owe him a good dinner.....he takes awsome care of me! Last night I made Cornish Game Hens and roasted potatoes....tonight might be meatloaf or maybe BBQ steaks.....depends on if the rain comes back!

Heading out back to put the cards back in the game cameras so we can keep an eye on the deer. Looks like the turkey babies have gone from 8 to 4 and a few more Doe's have shown up so the stuff we planted for the deer seems to be working. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

Love ya!

I CANT SLEEP!!!!!!

2009-08-27T06:56:00.002-04:00

I'm going crazy! I cant sleep....I cant fall asleep...I cant stay asleep and I finally do and have to get up! I don't know if its the steroids or the onset of menopause (supposed to be a symptom) or the fact that I drink too much water and have to go to the bathroom. Whatever it is I need it to STOP! I'm cranky today!

Few things I forgot to mention in the last post
1. It took 4 tries and 3 nurses to get an IV in for the chemo. Can I tell you how exciting that was?? They ended up in a spot near my bicep (yea...upper arm!!)

2. The nurses on both sides (chemo and radiation) wanted to know who the guy with me was....was he my brother?? Uh NO he BELONGS to me thank you very much and now quit asking. I wanted to make up stories about what an awful guy he was so they would quit with the "wow hes so cute and he rides a Harley?!?" But then I realized that would make me look bad so I just had to shut up and let them go on about him. No lie....true story

3 All I want to eat right now are Taco Bell Burrito Supremes, Chef Boyardee Pasta straight out of the can (YUUUUMMMY COLD!!!) and egg drop soup......go figure!!

Lots to do today so Id better get moving!!

Love you guys!!

A room with a view.....

2009-08-25T17:39:00.002-04:00

The way the Chemo center is set up all the chairs face outside to a really pretty courtyard that is landscaped and has a waterfall etc. On days when the heat isn't unbearable you can get treatment outside even. Today was too hot for that.....thought I would share what my 6 hrs looked like. There is a TV to the left and an IV pole to the right but they would have ruined the picture!! It went well today......feel a little tired but I sometimes think that's from sitting on my ass for 6 hours and not moving. Kinda like a long car ride. There was a woman 2 chairs down getting her treatment and I couldn't help but notice she cried through the entire 3 hours. I don't know how far into sessions she was.....she has her hair and weight so you can never really tell. I just felt really bad for her. To have that many tears......it just reminds me how grateful I am for the life I have and the ease so far of my treatments. The nurses and I discussed the fact that I still have hair....they are all surprised. Not even starting to "shed" as they like to call it....ICK! Should have started by now but I could be a "late bloomer". I was looking at the Coach website at the new scarves....ya know....just in case!! Purses and Boots might make me feel better too. You just NEVER know! *smile*

A girl at work said something the other day that kind of stuck with me and has been playing over and over in my head.....

"Live the life you love...and love the life you live"

I think that will be my new mantra!! Love you guys!! Have a wonderful day!

.....

2009-08-23T23:38:00.003-04:00

Today's adventures included a 4 hour stop at the ER. I am fine....now. Seems I had acquired a pretty serious kidney infection that came on quick. I was in a lot of pain and finally just couldn't take it. So I got an hour of IV antibiotics and some fluids and some toradol for pain. The good news is....they did blood work while I was there.....everything is totally NORMAL!! So kidney infection be damned.....I will still win!!

An amazing video I borrowed from Daria!!

2009-08-23T10:01:00.001-04:00

I am fortunate enough to have someone in my life who feels the same about me......and so many freinds and family to help me through!! Thank you all for everything!!!!

Saturdays.....

2009-08-23T09:44:00.003-04:00

That seems to be the day I sort of "crash and burn" as I like to call it. I get pretty tired and worn down. I worked until 4:30 and just had to get out of there. I will be a happy girl when this "Cash for Clunkers" stuff is over. It has made work very busy and in turn made me very busy. I had had enough yesterday afternoon and made my exit. I feel bad leaving......and I hate to not finish out the day when they needed me but I couldnt keep my eyes open. I have not been without side effects through out this whole thing. Today seems to be showing some of them more then any other day. Due to radiation in the stomach area I, of course, have issues with the organs in that area. Without going into detail Im sure you can all figure it out. I am starting to feel the fatigue they said I would have. The bad part of that is that its fatigue that can not be helped by sleep. So the more I sleep the more tired I feel......UHG! I still have my hair tho! And Id like to think I still have my sense of humor.......

I have some errands to run this morning and then I will be helping get some "cash for clunkers" paperwork uploaded to the Gov website this afternoon. Heading to the movies tonight if all goes as planned!

Have a wonderful day!!

Quick note.....

2009-08-20T22:02:00.002-04:00

Nothing new to report today. This Thursday seemed to pass much easier then last. I had a decent day and met with both Doctors. They are happy with how well I am able to handle the treatments and will follow up with me again in 2 weeks. They are still undecided as to a 5 week course or 6 week tho. I will meet with another radiologist oncologist in North Jersey in a a week or two to discuss the internal radiation and they will all...as a group....decide when the cut off will be. As far as I'm concerned next Tuesday is what I consider the 1/2 way point. That's 3 treatments down........I have not really had any problems with the exception of the fuzzy brain last week. Lucky lucky me!!

I spent the day running errands, doing some training online at work, seeing doctors and relaxing. Looking forward to work tomorrow....keeps my mind busy!

Thanks again for all the emails.....they brighten my day!!

The day after......

2009-08-19T22:08:00.002-04:00

Had my chemo treatment yesterday and was able to pull off another full day of work today.....yea!! Started to feel a little queasy on the ride home but a small snack took care of that for now. I find that if I leave my stomach empty then I bring on the waves. I feel really good with the exception of the steroid side effects. I only have to take them for 2 days after treatment so I know its short lived.

Cheryl.....to answer some of your questions....I am currently planned for 6 weeks of Chemo and radiation. They run concurrently. Some people have one and then the other but my team felt it would be better to do them in combination. So my schedule is Mon-Friday @ 11:50 am I have radiation. It only takes about 10 min so I just run out from work (hospital is 3 min away) get it and am back in under 20 min. I have Chemo on every Tuesday and I arrive for that @ 8:30 am and usually get started by 9:30......it lasts approx 6 hrs. I go every Monday at 10:30 for blood work to make sure that levels are all OK for the chemo (same hospital 3 min from work). Now that I have typed all that out it sounds like a lot but in reality it all flows pretty smooth and doesn't seem to be bothersome. Once the 6 weeks are completed I will have a break and we will re-test everything to see what progress was made. The plan is that I will follow all of this up with 3 or 4 weeks of internal radiation. Its called brachytherapy. (This way, it's possible to deliver a higher total dose of radiation to a smaller area than with external treatment. By limiting the amount of radiation healthy cells receive, damage to normal cells is reduced.) It has its side effects but it has also shown great results so I'm a player!!

OK friends I'm heading to bed. I'm off of work tomorrow so I have some stuff to get done and a Doctors visit to rest for. Hope everyone had a wonderful day!!

Love ya!

Short and sweet....for now!

2009-08-18T22:35:00.002-04:00

Its late....10:40pm and I'm feelin gooood! 2ND treatment today went off well. They are going to slow the IV down for the cisplatin from 60 min to 90 min...looks like the insides of my veins get a little offended by the stuff. Its not a big deal really. I am getting my treatment in a fresh vein every time. I didn't want a port...dont ask me why i just didn't want the permanent feeling of it I guess..... I just told them to find good veins and we would all be happier. Not so sure the nurse liked the fact that I didn't get a port...its just not as easy for them. I was sitting next to a "talker" today who was a tri-chemo mix. I cant even imagine what that must be like....and she told me that after today she was getting treatment every 2 weeks until APRIL!! She was filled with horror stories so I started to tune her out......I felt bad for her but geeeeze I dont think anyone could feel nearly as bad for her as she does for herself. I dont ever want to get that way!!

I am bidding you all a good night for now. It is late and I have plans to do 9am to 8pm tomorrow...need all the beauty sleep I can get at this point!

I will spend sometime tomorrow writing a better post.....more details etc. Is there anything you wanna know that I'm not telling you?? Email me and let me know and I will be sure to throw it into the mix.

Thank you to everyone for making me such a happy girl!!

Round 2

2009-08-17T22:20:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is round 2 and today was another GREAT day!! I'm not sure if taking extra iron helped me out of the slump but Id like to think that plays a part. I worked a full day 8:30 am to 8:30 pm and feel awesome! Had blood work done today.....as I will every Monday....to make sure that my body can handle the chemo and all my stats were great. Tech said it didn't even look like I had a chemo treatment based on hemoglobin and cell counts....yeaaaa!! Power of prayer?!?!

Earl!!! I am shocked!! S H O C K E D !!!!! All those times you pretended you didn't know computer stuff?? You scammed me! I love that you are a follower now and that you made a comment!!! What a smile I have! And...by the way.....when you leave a comment everyone CAN read it...but that's OK...that's what they are there for! So be sure to leave notes saying how wonderful you think I am and how I deserve to be president...I will mail you the cash.

My Dad sent me his own form of Chemo treatment today.......YUMMY hot sauce. I will have to try to eat some now before my stomach starts to feel the effects of Chemo. I am currently on Cisplatin and for those of you who do not know how chemo works here is a brief rundown. Chemo meds attack rapidly dividing cells ie: cancer cells. (Those little ba%$rds multiply quicker then rabbits) Your body has a lot of cells that are not cancer that divide rapidly as well.....those are mainly your hair, nails, skin, stomach and intestine linings. They are also your red blood cells, cells inside your mouth, throat and your gums. Those things are all effected by the medicine....not just the cancer. That's why people lose hair sometimes or can not keep food down or can not eat certain foods because of the mouth pain. So far.....food has not been an issue with me...ha...dont act surprised! Still hanging onto the hair but I'm told if its gonna happen I will notice it in the next week to 10 days. I cut it short (shoulder length) in anticipation and really like it this way so lets cross our fingers that it hangs on! I don't think I'm going to go the wig route.....if bald is what it is then so be it. Why try to pretend other wise. Personally I think it just makes the prize at the end all that much sweeter.....

I also googled ( I do that ALOT!!) the weird fuzzy brain feeling I was having and there is a name for it!!! Chemo Brain. It happens to people and they don't know how or why...makes me feel a little better to at least know I'm not alone. Didn't like it one bit by the way!

I was able to get wireless service for my laptop so while I'm at treatment I can surf the net and maybe do some work to keep me busy. If I get some time I will try to post more....let you know some technical nifty neato stuff......I have nurses at my disposal all day to ask questions.....unless they kick me out!

Love you guys!!

Yeaaaaa....

2009-08-16T09:54:00.003-04:00

Today is a new day.....I feel much better and have the energy to get up and moving.....mexican breakfast and actually had some coffee!! Want to use this up time to get some laundry done and clean my room. Its a disaster! I am learning to use my time wisely. When I have some energy use it for something good!

Saturday......

2009-08-15T17:59:00.003-04:00

I had no freakin idea.......

Went to work and came home after about 5 hrs. I feel strange.....again I cant put my fnger on it. Just not right. How do you explain that to a doctor? I feel like Im a little drunk...head is fuzzy and I cant put thoughts together sometimes....slept for the past few hours and I hope it helps.....I know I can do this.......

Moving on.....

2009-08-14T10:49:00.002-04:00

Today I feel a little better....well enough to attempt to go to work. I have some weird things going on and called the nurse this morning to try to make some sense of things. I don't want to come across as a whiner but then again Ive never been through any health issues and just don't know what to expect. What I have discovered is my mind is a pretty powerful thing. If I feel a pain or something weird I tend to focus on it and make it worse so I have been trying hard not to freak out about every little thing. On the other hand how do I know that that little pain isn't something serious *Sigh* I have a weird feeling when I swallow.....deep down in my chest. The nurse asked if it felt like acid reflux?....I dunno never had it......I told her I keep getting flushed...off and on....she asked if it was bothering me...well yea or I wouldn't have called. They think its the steroids....I am hardly through week one and feel like such a baby......I thought I was tougher then this!! Getting up and going to work makes me feel better.....and I plan on doing that as long as I can. Sometimes it just isn't as easy as it sounds.....

Hope everyone is doing well.....and thank you for everything!

today....

2009-08-13T16:46:00.002-04:00

So today is considered the 3rd day after treatment. They warned me that the bad days could be Wed and Thursday. Wed I pulled a 9 hr shift at work and was doing ok.....today....today sucks!
I feel like I have a hangover and cant puke. All the anti-nausea meds keep me from throwing up but they don't stop the feeling of wanting to....grrr. I just got outta bed for the 1st time in hours.....ate some soup...thought Id fill everyones day with my complaints and then head back to bed. I love you guys and thanks for all of the well wishes and emails.....you sure know how to make a girl feel loved!!

Talk soon!!

1st treatment

2009-08-12T21:59:00.002-04:00

So yesterday was the first official Chemo/radiation treatment. Chemo is a loooong drawn out process because they have to pump me full of fluids for a couple of hours then I get the chemo in my IV for an hour followed by a couple more bags of fluid. I have learned to maneuver the IV drip pole to the bathroom like a fine tuned race car driver!

I went to work today feeling pretty good all things considered and did about 9 hours before I had to call it quits. Wasn't feeling just right. I have been able to eat and sleep and do all the normal things I usually do and that's a good thing. I'm not kidding myself into thinking it will always be like this. 3 or 4 weeks down the line I'm sure this wont be nearly as easy. Its like dropping a bomb and making a hole...then drop another into the hole and another and well you have one pretty messed up hole....not that I'm comparing myself to a hole but I'm sure you get my drift! (Did that analogy for my military friends!! )

So for all of you who have emailed or sent me a txt I didnt respond to Im sorry.....Im doing ok for now and I appreciate all of the concern and prayers! I really have a great life!!

Good night for now and I will try to post more specifics tomorrow regarding medications and processes etc......

Treatment update.....

2009-08-06T09:02:00.003-04:00

So the doctors have decided to move things right along. I finally have some answers and the feeling that maybe my doctors have finally put some urgency on this whole thing. The masses in my stomach appear to be a large fibroid...and I mean LARGE. The other mass appears to be an ovarian cyst. A really big one that shows minor cancer activity. There are 2 masses that have been defined as cancer and that has spread to both pelvic lymph nodes...the left more so then the right.

Yesterday I went to the Radiation Oncologist who did what was called a cat simulation. They put me into a cat scan machine and make a mold of my body so that every time I lay down on the table its in the exact same position. They did multiple cat scans to determine exactly where they will be aiming radiation beams. Once the got the locations correct they actually tattoo'd little black dots into my skin. One on each hip.....one an inch below my belly button and another about 4 inches lower. They gave me tons of info in regards to side effects etc.....

Today I go to the Chemotherapy Oncologist to get the dosing correct and go over a teaching plan. That means they are going to teach me exactly how to cope with the things that are going to be changing and how to eat properly to maintain a healthy weight etc...more to follow once I am home from the appt.

This is all being done so that I can start treatment on Tuesday the 11th. 47 days from the potential for cancer to treatment......its all been a blur!!

Thanks for all of the support......Love you guys!!!

Why we are here.............

2009-07-25T08:49:00.000-04:00

If you are here its because you are one of the AMAZING people in my life....and to be honest I didn't realize until this happened how many friends I have. I'm sorta floored at the response I have received from all over the Untied States! Hi Washington! California! The Carolina's! Arizona! Jersey! New York! Florida!! Utah.....whew!!

The down side to having all of you emailing and calling is that I just cant keep up and I don't want to let anyone down or make them think I'm ignoring the requests for info. My tongue actually hurts from talking this week....who knew that could happen!! Ive been working too so alot of the calls go to voice mail or face book posts go unanswered so I was hoping to get you all to one central place for most of the information....technical stuff and what not. That way we have more time to talk about who wore what and who is dating who......much more important stuff for emails and phone calls!!

The basics of my health stand right now as Stage IIIb Cervical Cancer. Cancer is staged in 5 parts...0-4...0 being pre-cancer and 4 being almost untreatable. The b means there is whats called "pelvic wall involvement"...that really just says that they can not operate and remove it. That leaves me with the only option of treatment to be Chemo and Radiation. There are of course side effects to those but we will visit all of that when it happens.... The great part of my health situation is I have NOTHING else wrong....I actually have low blood pressure, low cholesterol, triglyceride's are great, blood counts are great, blood oxygen levels perfect. According to all my chemistry stuff I should be a skinny marathon runner...ha....anyone who knows me neither are in my future! That's a hurdle most people have to overcome tho...medications they are on or other health issues.....nada, zip, zero here!!

I have been to a handful of doctors..all of which I have been very very happy with. The first time the word Cancer entered my life was June 26th. It didn't really click in my head until about a week later when I saw an oncologist. I have now seen not only those Dr's but a Chemo Oncologist and a Radiation Oncologist.

My visit yesterday was with the Radiation Oncologist and I had been hoping to find out exactly when the treatments would start...no such luck. My pet/ct scans have shown some weird mass in my pelvic region. He didn't say he thought it was more cancer but what he did say was that he wanted a biopsy on it before he would finish the treatment recommendation so here I am waiting again. There is a lot of waiting and I am told I have waited a whole lot less then most. I have been pretty pushy about getting appts etc....some people just wait for people to tell them what to do. I don't have the ability to do that. Don't say it Earl!!!

So for now I'm doing OK.....I have my moments but being at work helps and talk to all of you guys helps as well. You are all so amazing and the outpouring has been overwhelming. Please don't ever take my silence as something personal....I just might be having a bad day....or busy with Doctors....and on those days when I get home I'm usually all talked out and on information overload. I will post any updates as soon as I can......

Please know that I am so grateful to have you all in my corner....I feel like I could conquer the world with just half of the strength you give me!!!

The next update wont come until Monday with the biopsy dept calls to let me know when they can see me...when I know you will know.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day and know that my heart is smiling!!