Had a Pet/ct scan last week...on Thursday. This really creepy guy gives the test too by the way. He reminds me of Dexter....but not the good side of Dexter....the methodical serial killer side. He was really quiet and moved really slow. Talked in a monotone voice and kept calling me patient Stasiak. He said EXACTLY the same things in the same order as the visit I had with him back in July.
My next doctor visit isn't until Jan 22 and the thought of waiting that long to hear the news was driving me crazy. Of course I popped the disc they gave me into my laptop so that I could pretend I'm a doctor and diagnose myself. I had seen the original scan so OF COURSE I knew what I was looking at and ....OMG....its still there....its in the other lymph node and it looks like its on a lung OMG OMG!!! I got myself all worked up...because I am of course an expert at reading these things and I just needed the doctor to confirm the awful truth....chemo again and maybe this time I will lose some weight and oh crap I have to take steroids again and ohhh please don't make me so tired again....and ....and and.....*sigh*
Well I finally worked up the nerve to call the doctor this morning and try to make an earlier appt. I cant keep feeling this way without him giving me a plan of action. The nurse said she already knew the results and would be happy to share them with me over the phone....for me to hold on while she got the papers because she didn't want to make a mistake and tell me wrong info....of course she doesn't....you don't want to tell someone they are fine when they arnt right??? She came back on the phone and started reading it off....uptake this and signs that blah blah blah it all ran together...until....UNTIL I clearly heard her say "This is the best part...the doctor was so excited yesterday.....it shows MINIMAL TO NO UPTAKE and significant decrease in mass on last scan". Huh? what?!?!? OK...so maybe I'm not a very good doctor....and I don't really know what I was looking at on the scan disc. The nurse told me its very good news and the doctor was very happy with the results. So am I. How does this happen?? How do I go from the worst news in my life......facing the facts that I could die...to this? I feel guilty because I didn't have all the nasty side effects that most people get. I didn't lose my hair. I didn't get so skinny that I looked worse then I felt. I didn't miss a day of work. I didn't struggle with my insurance or my job. I did feel bad....really bad and sometimes I don't think people realized just HOW BAD because all the outward signs of Cancer treatment weren't there and that was frustrating at times. Someone close to me told me I was too ornery to die.....and I think she just might be right!!!
Today I feel like the most lucky girl on earth!!!
Thanks for taking this ride with me....I couldn't have done it without you!
