Saturday, February 20, 2010

Thank you......

Im touched by the kind words.....I really am.

Its been a tough week with this damn broken ankle. My freedom has been taken away and it was replaced with a dark cloud. Im lucky that I dont need surgery or Id really be going crazy. I just want this cast off and I want to be able to walk without be able to carry be able to go to the grocery be able to go into any store for that matter. I missed a birthday of someone very important because my mind is so screwed up. I go to work. I go through the motions and I go home. Cancer never had this effect on me. I always knew in my heart that Id make it no matter what. I just cant wrap my head around this silly cast. I know it sounds crazy.....I cant even explain it without people looking at me like I have 7 heads. Its not that big of a should be easy for me to deal with. Its coming off in a few weeks...its not forever. Why cant I get that through my head.....why cant I stop whining and complaining about......WHY??????

I did end up in the ER Wed night....for 8 hours!!! I dont even feel like explaining it right now but I will...its a really funny story when i tell it the time I was not a happy girl. I went because they suspected a blood clot in my leg.....8 hours later I didnt have one. end of story for now. Its a simple broken leg and its consumed me.....

Monday, February 15, 2010

Over the course of the past week or two I have come across stories of Cancer....some of strangers....but most of them have familiar faces or names. None of the stories have happy endings.........or easy treatment plans. They are losing thier battles...and thier hair....and thier will.......and OK.

I am struggling with a guilt that I cant explain or put into words. It makes me cry sitting at stop lights...or reading emails. It makes me daydream about all of the what ifs.....

I feel so incredibly guilty and I don't know how to make it stop.....

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Broken me update

Yea...its still broken. I had hoped to wake up and whala (sp?) it would be all healed and we would all laugh about how funny I looked on crutches trying to do all of my everyday tasks....hahahah!! Yea, well that didn't happen.

What did happen is I saw the doctor and no surgery is required. Thank God! I was dreading that and was very happy that he called it a "perfect break"...who knew there was sucha thing. Funny story...while I was waiting for my doctor, who is a really nice guy but not too soft on the eyes, I noticed there was a really HOT doctor running around. He was, of course, young enough to be my son but there is no law against looking right?? I was thinking to myself that I never really get any of the hot doctors and wondered if there was some cosmic reason for this when all of a sudden he came out and called for me.....FOR ME!!!! OMG.....he wants to see ME!! He was the assistant (resident) of my doctor and he would be attending to me. Holy cow...its my unlucky (broken ankle) lucky (hot doc) day!! He was very nice....and very young. I felt really odd actually even thinking how cute he was. He did an awesome recast on my really feels 100% better now. So I came up with a plan...I went back to work and suggested to one of my much younger single co-workers that she break her leg...or arm. I told her I knew a great doc for her to see and she really should consider doing it soon.....was that wrong of me??? I'm just trying to help her out....stop looking at me like that!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

sometimes you just have to laugh......

And for my next trick I think I will.........


Id love to tell you it was during a bar fight or skydiving....or something badass.

Instead I blame it not on "badass" but "fatass"... The boy and I were walking along a trail in the woods...enjoying the fresh air and the animal tracks. It was chilly and there was less then an inch of snow on the ground....a path that I have walked hundreds of times. All of a sudden I heard a crack....and I FELT a crack. The boy turned around and said "What was that pop?" As I was hitting the ground I think I mumbled something about a broken ankle....he said he had heard the noise and was I sure. How can you be sure when pain is flooding your body??? A pain like I have never felt before....he took of fast I was worried he would hurt himself as well. Within minutes he is driving his truck down a trail no wider the 4-5 feet. The truck was ripping over bushes and small trees...he was a man on a mission. He scooped me up and off we went. The ER was extremely and out in less then an hour!!

So here I sit with a black colored cast (as badass I can get in a cast!!) and a broken ankle.....go me!!