Rough patch.......

Sorry for the lack of updates! The last couple of days have been a little rough. Not nearly as bad as they could be I'm sure but just have not felt too well. I have been trying to figure out how to explain it to everyone who asks and the best description I can come up with is motion sickness. If you have ever been car sick...or been on a rough cruise you know what I'm talking about. I'm not sick to my stomach like I would be if I had the flu.....its just like motion sickness. ICK! I have not missed work yet and I was able to attend my friend Leslie's bridal shower on Saturday (YEAAA LESLIE Im sooooooooo happy for you...you are amazing!!). I was worried I wouldn't be able to stay for the whole thing but I made it just fine! It was a nice distraction.

I met with my Radiologist Oncologist on Thursday and he actually brought up surgery!! Yea! From the beginning it was ruled out completely by my Gynocologist Oncologist (hes the surgeon as well). Dr McKenna thinks that if we shrink this enough....as long as its responding.....maybe we can re-visit surgery as an option. They will be having a conference call (all my Dr's) this coming week to discuss the next plan of action so I should know more in a few days. He told me a story of a girl he treated....and he made it clear that EVERYONE is different.....she was not a candidate for surgery either but they were able to shrink the tumor enough to perform surgery and she is cancer free. She didnt have lymph nodes involved like I do so it is a little different but I think he was just trying to tell me that anything is possible. I really like my Dr's and I am confident that they will do whats right for me.

Im going to try to get some laundry done today and make a nice dinner for the boy. He got up bright and early this morning before I woke and baked some potatoes to make me potato panckaes for breakfast...he said he thought they would be easy on my stomach and the eggs would be good protein. They were so good!!! I figure I owe him a good dinner.....he takes awsome care of me! Last night I made Cornish Game Hens and roasted potatoes....tonight might be meatloaf or maybe BBQ steaks.....depends on if the rain comes back!

Heading out back to put the cards back in the game cameras so we can keep an eye on the deer. Looks like the turkey babies have gone from 8 to 4 and a few more Doe's have shown up so the stuff we planted for the deer seems to be working. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

Love ya!

I CANT SLEEP!!!!!!

I'm going crazy! I cant sleep....I cant fall asleep...I cant stay asleep and I finally do and have to get up! I don't know if its the steroids or the onset of menopause (supposed to be a symptom) or the fact that I drink too much water and have to go to the bathroom. Whatever it is I need it to STOP! I'm cranky today!

Few things I forgot to mention in the last post
1. It took 4 tries and 3 nurses to get an IV in for the chemo. Can I tell you how exciting that was?? They ended up in a spot near my bicep (yea...upper arm!!)

2. The nurses on both sides (chemo and radiation) wanted to know who the guy with me was....was he my brother?? Uh NO he BELONGS to me thank you very much and now quit asking. I wanted to make up stories about what an awful guy he was so they would quit with the "wow hes so cute and he rides a Harley?!?" But then I realized that would make me look bad so I just had to shut up and let them go on about him. No lie....true story

3 All I want to eat right now are Taco Bell Burrito Supremes, Chef Boyardee Pasta straight out of the can (YUUUUMMMY COLD!!!) and egg drop soup......go figure!!

Lots to do today so Id better get moving!!

Love you guys!!

A room with a view.....

The way the Chemo center is set up all the chairs face outside to a really pretty courtyard that is landscaped and has a waterfall etc. On days when the heat isn't unbearable you can get treatment outside even. Today was too hot for that.....thought I would share what my 6 hrs looked like. There is a TV to the left and an IV pole to the right but they would have ruined the picture!! It went well today......feel a little tired but I sometimes think that's from sitting on my ass for 6 hours and not moving. Kinda like a long car ride. There was a woman 2 chairs down getting her treatment and I couldn't help but notice she cried through the entire 3 hours. I don't know how far into sessions she was.....she has her hair and weight so you can never really tell. I just felt really bad for her. To have that many tears......it just reminds me how grateful I am for the life I have and the ease so far of my treatments. The nurses and I discussed the fact that I still have hair....they are all surprised. Not even starting to "shed" as they like to call it....ICK! Should have started by now but I could be a "late bloomer". I was looking at the Coach website at the new scarves....ya know....just in case!! Purses and Boots might make me feel better too. You just NEVER know! *smile*

A girl at work said something the other day that kind of stuck with me and has been playing over and over in my head.....

"Live the life you love...and love the life you live"

I think that will be my new mantra!! Love you guys!! Have a wonderful day!

.....

Today's adventures included a 4 hour stop at the ER. I am fine....now. Seems I had acquired a pretty serious kidney infection that came on quick. I was in a lot of pain and finally just couldn't take it. So I got an hour of IV antibiotics and some fluids and some toradol for pain. The good news is....they did blood work while I was there.....everything is totally NORMAL!! So kidney infection be damned.....I will still win!!

An amazing video I borrowed from Daria!!

I am fortunate enough to have someone in my life who feels the same about me......and so many freinds and family to help me through!! Thank you all for everything!!!!

Saturdays.....

That seems to be the day I sort of "crash and burn" as I like to call it. I get pretty tired and worn down. I worked until 4:30 and just had to get out of there. I will be a happy girl when this "Cash for Clunkers" stuff is over. It has made work very busy and in turn made me very busy. I had had enough yesterday afternoon and made my exit. I feel bad leaving......and I hate to not finish out the day when they needed me but I couldnt keep my eyes open. I have not been without side effects through out this whole thing. Today seems to be showing some of them more then any other day. Due to radiation in the stomach area I, of course, have issues with the organs in that area. Without going into detail Im sure you can all figure it out. I am starting to feel the fatigue they said I would have. The bad part of that is that its fatigue that can not be helped by sleep. So the more I sleep the more tired I feel......UHG! I still have my hair tho! And Id like to think I still have my sense of humor.......

I have some errands to run this morning and then I will be helping get some "cash for clunkers" paperwork uploaded to the Gov website this afternoon. Heading to the movies tonight if all goes as planned!

Have a wonderful day!!

Quick note.....

Nothing new to report today. This Thursday seemed to pass much easier then last. I had a decent day and met with both Doctors. They are happy with how well I am able to handle the treatments and will follow up with me again in 2 weeks. They are still undecided as to a 5 week course or 6 week tho. I will meet with another radiologist oncologist in North Jersey in a a week or two to discuss the internal radiation and they will all...as a group....decide when the cut off will be. As far as I'm concerned next Tuesday is what I consider the 1/2 way point. That's 3 treatments down........I have not really had any problems with the exception of the fuzzy brain last week. Lucky lucky me!!

I spent the day running errands, doing some training online at work, seeing doctors and relaxing. Looking forward to work tomorrow....keeps my mind busy!

Thanks again for all the emails.....they brighten my day!!

The day after......

Had my chemo treatment yesterday and was able to pull off another full day of work today.....yea!! Started to feel a little queasy on the ride home but a small snack took care of that for now. I find that if I leave my stomach empty then I bring on the waves. I feel really good with the exception of the steroid side effects. I only have to take them for 2 days after treatment so I know its short lived.

Cheryl.....to answer some of your questions....I am currently planned for 6 weeks of Chemo and radiation. They run concurrently. Some people have one and then the other but my team felt it would be better to do them in combination. So my schedule is Mon-Friday @ 11:50 am I have radiation. It only takes about 10 min so I just run out from work (hospital is 3 min away) get it and am back in under 20 min. I have Chemo on every Tuesday and I arrive for that @ 8:30 am and usually get started by 9:30......it lasts approx 6 hrs. I go every Monday at 10:30 for blood work to make sure that levels are all OK for the chemo (same hospital 3 min from work). Now that I have typed all that out it sounds like a lot but in reality it all flows pretty smooth and doesn't seem to be bothersome. Once the 6 weeks are completed I will have a break and we will re-test everything to see what progress was made. The plan is that I will follow all of this up with 3 or 4 weeks of internal radiation. Its called brachytherapy. (This way, it's possible to deliver a higher total dose of radiation to a smaller area than with external treatment. By limiting the amount of radiation healthy cells receive, damage to normal cells is reduced.) It has its side effects but it has also shown great results so I'm a player!!


OK friends I'm heading to bed. I'm off of work tomorrow so I have some stuff to get done and a Doctors visit to rest for. Hope everyone had a wonderful day!!

Love ya!

Short and sweet....for now!

Its late....10:40pm and I'm feelin gooood! 2ND treatment today went off well. They are going to slow the IV down for the cisplatin from 60 min to 90 min...looks like the insides of my veins get a little offended by the stuff. Its not a big deal really. I am getting my treatment in a fresh vein every time. I didn't want a port...dont ask me why i just didn't want the permanent feeling of it I guess..... I just told them to find good veins and we would all be happier. Not so sure the nurse liked the fact that I didn't get a port...its just not as easy for them. I was sitting next to a "talker" today who was a tri-chemo mix. I cant even imagine what that must be like....and she told me that after today she was getting treatment every 2 weeks until APRIL!! She was filled with horror stories so I started to tune her out......I felt bad for her but geeeeze I dont think anyone could feel nearly as bad for her as she does for herself. I dont ever want to get that way!!

I am bidding you all a good night for now. It is late and I have plans to do 9am to 8pm tomorrow...need all the beauty sleep I can get at this point!

I will spend sometime tomorrow writing a better post.....more details etc. Is there anything you wanna know that I'm not telling you?? Email me and let me know and I will be sure to throw it into the mix.

Thank you to everyone for making me such a happy girl!!

Round 2

Tomorrow is round 2 and today was another GREAT day!! I'm not sure if taking extra iron helped me out of the slump but Id like to think that plays a part. I worked a full day 8:30 am to 8:30 pm and feel awesome! Had blood work done today.....as I will every Monday....to make sure that my body can handle the chemo and all my stats were great. Tech said it didn't even look like I had a chemo treatment based on hemoglobin and cell counts....yeaaaa!! Power of prayer?!?!

Earl!!! I am shocked!! S H O C K E D !!!!! All those times you pretended you didn't know computer stuff?? You scammed me! I love that you are a follower now and that you made a comment!!! What a smile I have! And...by the way.....when you leave a comment everyone CAN read it...but that's OK...that's what they are there for! So be sure to leave notes saying how wonderful you think I am and how I deserve to be president...I will mail you the cash.

My Dad sent me his own form of Chemo treatment today.......YUMMY hot sauce. I will have to try to eat some now before my stomach starts to feel the effects of Chemo. I am currently on Cisplatin and for those of you who do not know how chemo works here is a brief rundown. Chemo meds attack rapidly dividing cells ie: cancer cells. (Those little ba%$rds multiply quicker then rabbits) Your body has a lot of cells that are not cancer that divide rapidly as well.....those are mainly your hair, nails, skin, stomach and intestine linings. They are also your red blood cells, cells inside your mouth, throat and your gums. Those things are all effected by the medicine....not just the cancer. That's why people lose hair sometimes or can not keep food down or can not eat certain foods because of the mouth pain. So far.....food has not been an issue with me...ha...dont act surprised! Still hanging onto the hair but I'm told if its gonna happen I will notice it in the next week to 10 days. I cut it short (shoulder length) in anticipation and really like it this way so lets cross our fingers that it hangs on! I don't think I'm going to go the wig route.....if bald is what it is then so be it. Why try to pretend other wise. Personally I think it just makes the prize at the end all that much sweeter.....

I also googled ( I do that ALOT!!) the weird fuzzy brain feeling I was having and there is a name for it!!! Chemo Brain. It happens to people and they don't know how or why...makes me feel a little better to at least know I'm not alone. Didn't like it one bit by the way!

I was able to get wireless service for my laptop so while I'm at treatment I can surf the net and maybe do some work to keep me busy. If I get some time I will try to post more....let you know some technical nifty neato stuff......I have nurses at my disposal all day to ask questions.....unless they kick me out!

Love you guys!!

Yeaaaaa....

Today is a new day.....I feel much better and have the energy to get up and moving.....mexican breakfast and actually had some coffee!! Want to use this up time to get some laundry done and clean my room. Its a disaster! I am learning to use my time wisely. When I have some energy use it for something good!

Saturday......

I had no freakin idea.......

Went to work and came home after about 5 hrs. I feel strange.....again I cant put my fnger on it. Just not right. How do you explain that to a doctor? I feel like Im a little drunk...head is fuzzy and I cant put thoughts together sometimes....slept for the past few hours and I hope it helps.....I know I can do this.......

Moving on.....

Today I feel a little better....well enough to attempt to go to work. I have some weird things going on and called the nurse this morning to try to make some sense of things. I don't want to come across as a whiner but then again Ive never been through any health issues and just don't know what to expect. What I have discovered is my mind is a pretty powerful thing. If I feel a pain or something weird I tend to focus on it and make it worse so I have been trying hard not to freak out about every little thing. On the other hand how do I know that that little pain isn't something serious *Sigh* I have a weird feeling when I swallow.....deep down in my chest. The nurse asked if it felt like acid reflux?....I dunno never had it......I told her I keep getting flushed...off and on....she asked if it was bothering me...well yea or I wouldn't have called. They think its the steroids....I am hardly through week one and feel like such a baby......I thought I was tougher then this!! Getting up and going to work makes me feel better.....and I plan on doing that as long as I can. Sometimes it just isn't as easy as it sounds.....

Hope everyone is doing well.....and thank you for everything!

today....

So today is considered the 3rd day after treatment. They warned me that the bad days could be Wed and Thursday. Wed I pulled a 9 hr shift at work and was doing ok.....today....today sucks!
I feel like I have a hangover and cant puke. All the anti-nausea meds keep me from throwing up but they don't stop the feeling of wanting to....grrr. I just got outta bed for the 1st time in hours.....ate some soup...thought Id fill everyones day with my complaints and then head back to bed. I love you guys and thanks for all of the well wishes and emails.....you sure know how to make a girl feel loved!!

Talk soon!!

1st treatment

So yesterday was the first official Chemo/radiation treatment. Chemo is a loooong drawn out process because they have to pump me full of fluids for a couple of hours then I get the chemo in my IV for an hour followed by a couple more bags of fluid. I have learned to maneuver the IV drip pole to the bathroom like a fine tuned race car driver!

I went to work today feeling pretty good all things considered and did about 9 hours before I had to call it quits. Wasn't feeling just right. I have been able to eat and sleep and do all the normal things I usually do and that's a good thing. I'm not kidding myself into thinking it will always be like this. 3 or 4 weeks down the line I'm sure this wont be nearly as easy. Its like dropping a bomb and making a hole...then drop another into the hole and another and well you have one pretty messed up hole....not that I'm comparing myself to a hole but I'm sure you get my drift! (Did that analogy for my military friends!! )

So for all of you who have emailed or sent me a txt I didnt respond to Im sorry.....Im doing ok for now and I appreciate all of the concern and prayers! I really have a great life!!

Good night for now and I will try to post more specifics tomorrow regarding medications and processes etc......

Treatment update.....

So the doctors have decided to move things right along. I finally have some answers and the feeling that maybe my doctors have finally put some urgency on this whole thing. The masses in my stomach appear to be a large fibroid...and I mean LARGE. The other mass appears to be an ovarian cyst. A really big one that shows minor cancer activity. There are 2 masses that have been defined as cancer and that has spread to both pelvic lymph nodes...the left more so then the right.

Yesterday I went to the Radiation Oncologist who did what was called a cat simulation. They put me into a cat scan machine and make a mold of my body so that every time I lay down on the table its in the exact same position. They did multiple cat scans to determine exactly where they will be aiming radiation beams. Once the got the locations correct they actually tattoo'd little black dots into my skin. One on each hip.....one an inch below my belly button and another about 4 inches lower. They gave me tons of info in regards to side effects etc.....

Today I go to the Chemotherapy Oncologist to get the dosing correct and go over a teaching plan. That means they are going to teach me exactly how to cope with the things that are going to be changing and how to eat properly to maintain a healthy weight etc...more to follow once I am home from the appt.

This is all being done so that I can start treatment on Tuesday the 11th. 47 days from the potential for cancer to treatment......its all been a blur!!

Thanks for all of the support......Love you guys!!!